Monday, May 21, 2007

Conversation I Wish I Had At Work

Him: Did you ever find the necessary documents?

Me: No, you little jerk. I just sit in my office and write posts, I don't actually do work.

Him: I think I can hire a lawyer to get you what you need.

Me: I am a lawyer. What I need is an employee who's not an idiot, and who doesn't enter into transactions before he is aware of all the facts.

Him: No, I don't know him, but someone else involved in the deal once used him.

Me: Listen, I once screwed that guy on CNBC. Doesn't make either of us a frickin' expert on the topic, does it?

Him: I'm certain that the other side will sign whatever we want them to.

Me: Can't we just get them to sign for something that's true? I'd settle for that.

Him: I'm not going to debate this.

Me: Neither am I, you get me what you want, you pink, pampered, gone to paunch too young, floppy eared, rat-eyed, careless little moron or you can be fired.
N.B. I actually did say this, without the adjectives.

Him: That's not how we did it at my old firm.

Me: That would explain their persistent lack of assets and continuous regulatory difficulty, wouldn't it?

Him: Hmmm. Maybe you are right. I see the point.

Me: Darling. There is hope.


LentenStuffe said...

Wanda Mitty, Howareye!

I had one of those conversations recently, but it was with a bookseller who lives in Athlone and wished to observe Holy Hour, fercrissakes: 'Holy Hour is for publicans in Dublin's Fair City, not culchie bookmen in the arsehole of the bog, you git!' Didn't say it, though, 'come back in an hour', says he, and so I did, dutifully, promptly.

Keifus said...

You don't realize how good you have it 'deep.

That guy is my boss.

twiffer said...

the best thing about working from home? don't have to talk to anyone.

rundeep said...

Okay. Follow-up. Guy I had this conversation with had been failing to show up regularly. He was called in to work from some lame excuse and showed up high as a kite. In the course of the cross-examination which inevitably occurred, he admitted to having a mental illness for which he had recently stopped taking meds. So now, I feel guilty. Albeit only a little.