Thursday, April 26, 2007

Conversation I Wish I Had Today

Constrained by manners no more:

Her: "We had some drama in my house today."

Me: Who gives a shit, lady. I have a life and a job too.

Her: "G. got to the dentist 15 minutes late, and the dentist left!"

Me: Well, Hail Holy Queens. Probably on his way to buy earplugs and a hunting knife.

Her: "So he rescheduled. And the day he rescheduled for is a big school activity!"

Me: This qualifies as drama in your life? Jesus H. Christ, woman have an affair, smoke some dope, something.

Her: "Now he won't be able to pitch that day, and his sister is very disappointed."

Me: Gee, this means his team has an actual chance to win instead of chasing flies over the wall. And your daughter? I'm all for keeping them children and all, but get her brows waxed before Middle School. I'm telling you you'll help her life immensely.

Her: "Have a good night! Remember, if you can't make the pick-up, don't worry. I'll take your daughter back to our house and she can have dinner with us."

Me: Damn. That's nice. But my daughter really can't stand your whining lump of an incipient bully child. She's nice to her because other kids aren't. I'd like to keep her as far away from Miss Most Likely To Pierce Someone Else's Nipple as I can, thanks.


Archaeopteryx said...

Your inner monologue is much funnier than mine.

topazz said...

Your daughter is going to be quite the one to be reckoned with when she grows up, having had you for a mum. Lucky kid!

rundeep said...

Hi Archie: I doubt that. Maybe I just know more irritating people.

topazz: Back at you. Actually, my daughter is much nicer than I am. I think that works to her disadvantage, ultimately.

twiffer said...

how inconsiderate for a dentist to not just wait around at the end of the day for people who are a) late for their appointment; and b) don't call and say they are running late.

my god, it's like other people actually exist!